The Latest Elitist Story

The latest Elitist Story!
By: The Speaker in the House
Claudia Roazen
I was surprised that the president had such free time as to both comment on and then involve himself in what would otherwise be a local news story about the Cop and the Professor. I thought my gosh, even I could get a private audience and share a beer with the president and all I would have to do is involve myself in some sort of accusatory racial profiling incident that made my local paper. I knew my town had a new police officer and he was assigned a speed trap patrol in my neighborhood. Great, I thought, I will speed past his patrol going ten miles over the limit and see if he stops me. Well, it took about five passes until he finally flashed on his blue lights and pulled me over to the side of the road. He then approached my window and politely asked me for my license, registration and proof of insurance. He then started to walk back to his patrol car and I called out after him.
“Officer! Officer don’t you want me to get out of my car and put my hands on the hood?” He smiled nodded in the negative and jumped in his patrol car. After a few minutes he came back and handed me my paperwork and I gave him a sneer and said.
“Don’t you want to search my car for drugs or guns?” He smiled again and said no with the shaking of his head. Then he handed me a piece of paper and told me it was a warning and that he was not going to give me a ticket. I was infuriated at that moment, and I looked at the Afro-american policeman and cried foul!
“Officer why are you treating me so nice? It’s because I’m a white suburban woman isn’t it!” He tilted his head and looked confused. I continued to rant.
“Look, I want you to Taser me or something, otherwise I never get to meet the president!” I looked around my car for any contraband and found only a breath mint but it wasn’t in the package.
“See…see this!” I held up the Velamint and waved it in his face.
“I don’t know what this is, it could be a controlled substance? Are you going to test it?”
He grabbed the mint out of my hand popped in his mouth and thanked me. I continued to shout at him while he drove away. I was screaming for him to pepper spray me, have the dogs search my car or arrest me to no avail. I then raced down to the Police station and issued a complaint on the officer and then called my local newspaper.
Nobody did anything and nothing came of the non-incident. Oh well, I guess I got it wrong again and the teachable moment was that it wasn’t about race at all but class. It was about being Ivy League connected, and I bet that cop would have co-operated with me if I was a Harvard Professor acting without class.